Fear of What?
Big ideas. Lofty goals. Success and achievement have always been important to me. The drive to get better with each day is what truly fuels me. Here is the kicker. I used to never actually follow through. I have big ideas and I start to steer the ship but then I just get lost out at sea.
It has taken me years to realize I have a proverbial monkey on my back. With said monkey I have taken many opportunites and learned a lot, earned certificates, expanded my horizons. However, I have never felt truly good enough. I wanted to be a fashion designer and live in NYC and I recall being a child and getting an art scholarship in around the fifth grade. Along with two other boys in my school, I earned a scholarship. I was shocked and pleased but I felt like a fraud. I didn’t feel good enough to deserbe it. I went to the art classes and watched the other kids draw and they were so talented in my eyes and I felt like even more of a fraud. So, I quit. I quit dance. I quit piano because I was just copying what the piano teacher would do and she kept praising me for being so great. I quit basketball, I quit tennis. Someone saw something in me that made me deserving of a scholarship and probably someone who knew a lot more about art than me and I didn’t have enough faith in myself to accept it.
Fast forward to now. I have learned so much about myself. I have learned that I never really follow-through for not even the obvious fear of failure but fear of success. That means what if I do attain and my goals and then what? Where do I go from there? What if I get there and can’t maintain it? What if people think I am a fraud? My gosh, does your brain do these things to you too? Mine USED to. Now, I face these thoughts, stare them down really and just go for it. As a collective, what do we actually have to lose? Isn’t it worse to say we never even tried something then to try and fail? What if you could have everything you desire and then some? WHAT IF??? Too many years wasted on less-than thoughts. So buckle up, loves, and lets do this.